The Kid Is Not My Son
by Unlucky Talli
Summary: Robin and Raven find an abandoned baby. What happens when the infant thinks that the two birds are its parents?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans and yakaty yak, you know the rest. This story is just for my enjoyment; and hopefully yours too.

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Chapter 1

The bus flew right at Cyborg, who was just barely able to doge it. "Ha! You missed!" He screamed at the red mechanically clad man standing at the other end of the street.

"I won't miss this time!" Adonis retorted as he launched himself off the street and in Cyborg's direction. He pulled his fist back and attempted to sucker-punch Cyborg, but Cyborg deftly caught his fist, spun him around, and tossed him into the air. Adonis let out a wail as he soared into the sky. His wail was cut short as a smaller, but stronger being caught him.

"Good afternoon," A cheery Starfire exclaimed. "I realize that we are probably ruining your day, but believe me, it is nothing personal." She immediately drop kicked him in the opposite direction from which he came.

A high pitched laugh squawked from behind the red head. "Hey, Star, nice one!" A green harpy swooped by her, trying to keep up with the still falling Adonis. The moment he caught up with the red man, he quickly changed into a Stegosaurus and spun in midair, smacking Adonis with his spiked tail, sending him plummeting to earth.

Adonis climbed out of the crater he'd made, only to come face to face with the two birds of the team, Robin and Raven. Robin had his Bo staff out and ready, semi crouched in a defensive position. Raven held the same stance as Robin, only instead of holding a Bo staff, she held black aura in her hands. Adonis grunted, and charged at Robin, swinging his fists in an attempt to hit the brightly colored boy. Robin easily dodged all of Adonis's swings, and blocked some of them with his Bo staff. While Adonis was busy dealing with Robin, Raven attacked from behind, sending her soul self at Adonis, hitting him away from Robin. With Adonis a fair amount away from him, Robin took out two of his explosive disks and threw them at the man's general direction. The disks exploded, sending Adonis into a wall.

Unfortunately, the wall didn't look as sturdy as it was. On impact with Adonis, the wall spat out dust and bricks all over the Titans, who quickly regrouped into a tight circle, in case Adonis attempted an attack while they were momentarily blinded. When the dust partially cleared, it was revealed that Adonis was gone.

"Uh, where'd he go?" Cyborg uttered in disbelief. It was hard to imagine such a big guy like Adonis to get away unseen.

"Alright Titans," Robin began. "He could have taken four exits." Robin motioned to the still dusty T-junction on which their fight had occurred and also to a small alleyway. "Cyborg, I want you to take Main Street. Beast Boy, you go left, Starfire, take the right. Raven and I will check out the alleyway."

"Dude, is that my left or your left?" Beast Boy quipped.

Robin ignored the question. "Adonis isn't the fastest villain out there, so he shouldn't have gotten far. Titans Go!"

The Titans fanned out into the directions they were ordered, except for Beast Boy, who ran off with Starfire, before swiveling around and running off the opposite direction. Robin and Raven raced down the dark, narrow alleyway, keeping their eyes and ears pealed for Adonis. They turned several corners until they finally came to a dead end.

"He definitely didn't come this way." Raven muttered.

Suddenly, Robin's T-Com blared. "What is it?" Robin asked into the yellow communicator.

"Yo, Robbie, it's Cyborg. I caught our guy. You were right; he didn't get far at _all_. The guy's exhausted. I've got him down and the cops are on their way, so no need to rush on over here."

"Thanks, Cyborg, Raven and I are on our way. Call Beast Boy and Starfire to let them know that we got him."

"No problemo. Cyborg out."

Robin attached the now silent communicator to his belt. "We'd better get going then." He spoke to Raven.

"And I was hoping we'd get to stay here a little longer." Raven sarcastically drawled. She was observing her dank surroundings.

Robin gave her sarcasm as small smile as he headed back down the alleyway, Raven close behind.

"Ehh."

The two teen froze in their tracks at the sound. They abruptly spun around, looking for whatever had made the noise.

"Ehh, ehh, pppppff." Came another muffled sound.

Robin followed the noise, Raven keeping at a close distance behind him. He came to a halt in front of a small box. He glanced quickly at Raven, taking note that she was ready for anything sudden. He kneeled down and lightly placed his hand on the box. He hesitated, before gently opening the lid. What he saw next made his eyes widen to twice their original size.

In the box, nestled comfortably between soft blankets, was a baby. It was swiveling its arms lazily above its head and was gurgling and making small noises to itself. Robin quickly concluded that the baby looked completely healthy and content. At a first glance it seemed that the infant was about six months old, but he wasn't really sure. Behind him, Raven had a confused look etched across her face. That was unexpected.

Robin picked up the box while Raven moved in beside him. The baby looked up, and giggled in such a way that made Robin melt a little inside. It reached out both its hands and gabbed on to the trim of Robin's cape and the hem of Raven's robe.

"Momma. Dadda," It gurgled.

All the two teens could do was stare.

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Sorry this chapter was a little short; I kinda just wanted to get it over with. It's hard trying to type out baby noises, uh, and the kid only had two lines!

So Rob and Rae find a kid. Ooooh. Read on to find out what happens next.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Teen Titans. They belong to DC Comics and Warner Bros.

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"Okay, let me get this straight. You found a kid, in a box, in an alleyway. And it said _what_ again?" Cyborg held a Cheshire grin across his face; it was obvious he was trying very hard not to laugh.

"Look Cyborg, this isn't a joke alright—"

"Mamma. Dada." Beast Boy fluttered his eyes as he cut Robin off.

At the moment, the Titans were gathered around the dining table, and on top of the table was a box containing a baby. Both Robin and Raven were glaring across the table at Beast Boy, who was pulling the most ridiculous faces. Beast Boy and Cyborg were having a kick out of the whole situation, especially the part where Robin and Raven had become parental substitutes. Starfire though, was cooing over the child; it might as well have been another oversized silk worm.

"It is the most precious thing I have ever looked upon!" She exclaimed. "It has the tiniest nose, and the tiniest hands, and the tiniest fingers, and the tiniest—"

"We get it Starfire; the baby is small in size." Raven interjected.

"Yes it is!" The alien lowered her head toward the child. "Oh hello there little….little…" She looked up. "Please, what is that child's name?"

"Um, it doesn't have one. Well, at least we're not aware—"

"This can not be!" Robin was cut off for a second time. "How can any being not have a name?"

"Don't worry Star," Beast Boy happily replied.

"We'll give it one." Cyborg finished for him.

"We will not." Raven stated.

Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire looked up at her with confusion in their eyes.

"Raven's right, guys. We can't keep this baby, so it's best if we don't get too attached. Giving the baby a name might bring us closer to it." Robin was finally able to finish uninterrupted.

Yeah, I guess you're right," Cyborg was the first to reply.

"But—"

"No buts Starfire. Titans Tower is _not_ where a baby belongs. We're going to have to start searching for its parents soon, they might already be worried."

"Yeah, but Robbie, you found the baby in an _alleyway_. Who leaves a baby in an alleyway?"

"Cy's right, what if the parents don't want—" Beat Boy paused to sniff the air. "Do you guys smell that?"

The rest of the Titans sniffed the air. The looks of curiosity on their faces quickly became disgust as a foul smell entered each of their nostrils.

"Ehh"

The five Titans lowered their gaze to look at the wriggling baby, and, evidently, the source of the smell.

"This just keeps getting better and better." Raven drawled.

"Yeah, but uh, who's gonna change it?" Cyborg asked.

It was silent for a while as the Titans continued to look at the baby.

"Nose Goes!" Beast Boy yelled; he abruptly shoved his finger on his nose. Robin and Cyborg were quick to follow. Raven and Starfire, however, stared at the three boys. "No way. You two can not tell me that you don't know what Nose Goes is." Beast Boy was in shock. The two girls continued to look confused. "I know, what about Viking King?" The green teenager moved his hands to his temples, with his pointer fingers pointing upwards, giving him the appearance of having horns. Next to him, Cyborg began making rowing motions with his arms.

"I don't even know that one." Robin put in.

"Wow, what do you know, all of this nonsense has done nothing what-so-ever to lessen the stench." Raven growled.

"I shall do it then." Starfire offered. The other Titans looked relieved. "But I believe I am in need of one of these contraptions." Moving part of the blankets aside, she pointed to the diaper wrapped around the baby's lower body.

"Sorry Star, we're fresh out of diapers. We got rid of the last ones we had after B.B. was finally potty trained last week." Cyborg joked.

"Dude, you're hilarious."

"I'll get them," Raven sighed. "It'll take me less time. I'll also pick up some baby stuff that we may need." And with that, she teleported out of the tower.

"Thanks Star." Robin was still relived that he wasn't the one doing the dirty work.

"You are most welcome, but I am afraid to say that I am unaware of how to change a diaper."

"Oh," Cyborg muttered. "Um, well I guess I could look up "How to Change a Diaper" on the Internet. I'm sure there'll be something." He trailed off.

"Yes, that would be lovely, thank you Cyborg."

"No problem," He turned around and slowly walked over to the Titans mainframe.

"Dude, are babies hard to take care of or what?"

"You haven't even done anything," Robin looked down at the baby. At the moment it was sucking on its left foot. _Yum..._ Robin thought sarcastically. The baby looked up at him, and then giggled; releasing its foot from its mouth it reached up to him with anticipation.

"Ehh, dada, dadaaaa."

Robin raised his eyebrows. "Um, maybe later, _after_ you've been changed." The child continued to grab for him. Robin was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

At that moment, Raven teleported back in. She was carrying several baby supplies in a bubble of black aura. "Okay, so I've got diapers, bottles, and some rattles. We can get more supplies if we need to later."

"And I've got the instructions on how to change a diaper." Cyborg said from the mainframe. He printed out the instructions, walked back, and handed them to Starfire.

"I shall proceed then." Starfire began tugging at the diaper around the baby's waist.

"Oh, God, Star! Don't change that thing in here! Do it somewhere else." Cyborg was not up for watching a baby getting changed.

Starfire raised her eyebrows. "If you say so." She gathered up the box, the instructions, and a diaper, and headed out the door.

"Dude, I'll get some soy milk ready for the baby when it gets back."

"Are you kidding me? We're not feeding the little tyke _soy_ milk." Cyborg argued.

"Oh yeah? Why not?"

"Babies need protein to grow, Beast Boy. It needs plenty of milk, _actual_ milk." Robin said.

"Fine," Beast Boy muttered. "Un-soy milk it is then." He took a bottle and went into the kitchen.

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Over ten minutes had passed when Starfire came back through the automatic doors. "There! Our little friend is all clean! Although he was very difficult to change…" She set the box back on the dining table.

"_He_?" Raven asked. She walked over with a milk filled bottle in her hand. She raised the baby's torso and began feeding it. The baby guzzled the milk. Raven didn't seem to be enjoying herself at all.

"Yes Raven, he in fact has the body part that classifies him as a male."

Raven gave her a sidelong look. She removed the empty bottle from the baby's mouth and laid him back down. He burped and splayed a satisfied look across his small face.

"Perfect," Beast Boy exclaimed. "I have the perfect name for him." He paused for effect as he glanced around at the other Titans. "Robin Junior." The green teenager wiggled his eyebrows.

"Seriously, stop it. We're not naming him; especially after me."

"Shh," Cyborg whispered. He was looking down at the baby, who was still in the box. "Robin Jr. is sleeping." Sure enough "Robin Jr.'s" eyelids were drooping.

"I thought I just said—"

"Don't bother," Raven put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll deal with the baby tomorrow."

"Right, well, it is pretty late. Titans get some sleep; we've got a lot of work to do tomorrow." He looked down at the peacefully sleeping baby. "We've got parents to find."

"I shall keep the baby in my room?"

"If you want, Star." Robin answered.

"Just as long as he isn't bunking with me." Raven muttered.

Raven and Robin were the first to leave. Starfire gathered the box containing the sleeping baby in her arms.

"Yeah, guys," Cyborg yawned. "Get a lot of rest; tomorrow we're going to be working long and hard." He headed through the automatic double doors.

"Heh, that's what she said."

"No Beast Boy, Cyborg is a _he_."

"You know what Star, just forget it. Seriously."

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So there's chaper two. Hope you like. It was very fun to write, actually. I know nothing much has happened, I just felt like having one whole chappie of the Titans trying to get used to having a baby around. Although, I've never taken care of a six month old baby before, so I'm just winging it. If anyone has baby tips for me, I'll gladly have them! Until next time...


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry updates have been so slow. First it was my birthday, then it was AP Bio summer homework that I procrastinated on, then it was the start of school...yeah it's been hectic. But, alas! Another chapter? Yes, number three is here. It's also not very long, but I just wrote this now and in like an hour, and I got done what I wanted done, so it's all good. Whew. Enjoy.

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It was 2:32 at Titans Tower, and all through the house—

"WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

"Duuude, turn it off!"

"I am trying, Beast Boy, I really am."

"Awww, why does _your _room have to be right next to _mine_? I need my beauty sleep!"

Robin Junior had woken up the two Titans with his wailing; first Starfire, who was sharing her room with him, then Beast Boy, whose room was right down the hall. Beast Boy had sleepily wandered over to Starfire's room to see what the heck she was doing to the child, then stuck around to see if he could help her quiet him down. At the moment, both teens would have rather been comfortably sleeping, but as it is quite obvious, they were not going to get the sleep they wanted. Starfire was trying to hold the struggling infant, while Beast Boy was stuffing two pillows up against his pointy ears while sitting on Starfire's bed.

Starfire gave up, putting the baby back down in his box, which was still being used as a makeshift bed. "Oh, I believe there is no way we can subdue his inner torment!" She lamented.

"Star, he's not being, uh, tormented. He's just throwing a tantrum; babies do that from time to time."

At that moment, Starfire's door was forced open and three teens marched in.

"If that thing doesn't shut up soon, I swear to Azar I'm gonna—"

"Now, now, Rae," Cyborg waggled a large mechanical finger at her. "No threatening little Robbie."

Cyborg seemed to be the only one out of the five teens who didn't look completely deprived of sleep. It was probably due to the fact that all he had to do was charge his batteries for a few hours to become completely refreshed. Robin and Raven, however, looked as exhausted as Starfire and Beast Boy. Raven's cloak was on, but her hood was down, revealing tussled hair and droopy eyelids. Her half closed eyelids did nothing to hide her anger at being awoken at two forty in the morning. Robin's hair was also messy; it wasn't suspended in its usual short spikes. He still wore his mask, though it was a little lopsided across his eyes, and he had on a red shirt and green pajama pants; a nighttime version of his uniform.

"Friends, I am terribly sorry to wake you all, but I am afraid the baby had a sudden urge to scream and cry. I tried to stop the noise but—"

"Don't worry Star," Cyborg chuckled. He walked over to the crying baby. "All this kiddo needs is a little TLC." He bent down to pick up the child. "C'mere, Robbie Jr., Uncle Cy's gonna make it all okay." The baby screamed louder and attempted to wriggle out of Cyborg's grasp. "Uh, guys, Uncle Cy needs a little help."

Starfire walked up to Cyborg and took the child from his arms. She then began to pace back and forth across the room, trying her best to rock the child to sleep. The baby did not show any signs of calming down. Starfire walked up to Robin, who was lightly dozing off next to Raven, despite the noise.

"Robin," She said, waking him up from his daze. "Perhaps you would know how to deal with this situation?" She asked hopefully.

"Starfire, what would _I_ know about taking care of a baby?"

As Starfire was standing and talking to Robin, Robin Jr. twisted in her grip and reached out to a nearby Raven. He wailed even herder when his tiny hands couldn't reach her. All the Titans took note of this, a stroke of hope rising in four of their chests, horror in one. All eyes turned to Raven.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Raven, he obviously wants you."

"No Robin, I'm not holding a screaming child."

"But Rae, when you hold him," Cyborg said, "What if the crying stops?"

The Titans were silent. Screams still echoed in the air.

"Give him to me." Raven hissed through clenched teeth. Starfire almost shoved the baby into her arms.

Almost immediately, the baby began to quiet down; he looked quite happy to be held in Raven's arms.

"There…there." Raven nonchalantly cooed.

"See? All Robin Jr. needed was his mommy." Beast Boy joked. If she hadn't been holding the baby, Raven would have punched Beast Boy through the window and into the lake.

"Not to be rude, but I would very much appreciate it if you all left now. I would like to get the "eye shut"."

The Titans were too tired to correct her or complain about getting kicked out. They congregated in the hallway outside Starfire's room.

"Night dudes, see you after I wake up in, like, twelve hours."

"Yeah, guys, I'm off to bed too." Robin stifled a yawn and headed for his room.

"Night guys." Cyborg gave a little wave in Robin's direction.

"Wait. You're not seriously leaving me alone like _this_, are you?" Raven was holding the now silent and content baby out at arms length. She looked down at him with a sneer.

"Don't worry Rae," Cyborg patted her head. "I'll hang out with you 'till the little sucker falls asleep."

"What about _my_ sleep?" She glared up at her taller friend. "And he's quiet now; couldn't I just put him back in Starfire's room?"

Cyborg laughed. "You're the only one keeping quiet him right now. Trust me, we all owe you _big_." He placed his hand on her back and guided her down the hall, baby in tow. "Right now, lets just get little Robin something to drink."

By the time they arrived at the living/Ops room, the baby's eyes were beginning to droop, and Raven had changed her arm's length holding position to just holding the baby against her chest. She still looked quite uncomfortable.

"How bout you just sit on the couch with "Robbie-Poo" and I'll get some warm milk and some herbal tea. How does that sound?"

Raven was finding it hard to stay mad, with Cyborg's constant string of helpfulness she was beginning to lighten up somewhat. She couldn't deny that she was glad that he was with her. "That actually sounds nice. Thanks." And the baby wasn't being as annoying as she initially thought. He was sucking his thumb as she proceeded to get comfortable on the couch.

A few minutes later Cyborg was done preparing the drinks in the kitchen and took them over to the living room where Raven had been quietly sitting with Robin Jr.

"Okay Rae, here's your tea and Robbie's—"

He halted his sentence at what he saw next. Raven was dead asleep on the sofa; she fell asleep in a sitting position, and yet, she looked completely peaceful. Cyborg marveled at this; he had never seen Raven asleep before. But seeing Raven in a sleeping state wasn't what surprised him. Nestled in her arms was an equally sleeping baby; thumb still in mouth. She had her arms loosely wrapped somewhat protectively around him. Cyborg almost wanted to take a photo of the moment with his built-in camera, but decided against it. His robotic body parts would be scattered all throughout the tower if she would ever find out about something like that.

So, instead of taking a picture or waking her up, he smiled.

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Yay! Raven gets some love! Haha, I couldn't resist. To see if she finally warms up to the kid you'll have to keep on readin, so stick around. Who knows, Robin could be next. :Evil laughter:

Sorry again for shortness, but I don't think chapters for TKINMS will be very long. It's not a very serious story, so it might not even last that long. I dunno. I have absolutely no idea where this story is gonna go from here, I'm sort of winging it, and when a new idea will come to me I'll write a new chapter, so bear with me. And to those of you who put this story on their Author Alert thingy, why not post a review? I don't want to be anal about it or anything, I just like getting them. Also feed back would be awesome. I want to know if there's anything I could improve on, so just help me out a little! Until next time...


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